I think of I’m 10% deaf. I was hanging out with people at a sauna last night and I couldn’t hear much conversation over echoes/water, and I was feeling low on willpower, so I went to the cafe upstairs (vaguely telling myself it would be a short break while I waited for Ritalin to kick in) and ended up doing work for a long time on my laptop. It seems like a “mildly difficult to have a conversation” noise level for my friends translates to a “very difficult” for me.
(I have this at normal parties also, and sometimes cope with it by drinking a lot.)
When there are more than 6 people in a space I feel a bit like I’m taking an exam, or driving – I’m pouring as much brainpower as possible into turning noise into words.
Asking someone to repeat themselves is a bit costly, and I feel like my “budget” for asking is ~10% of how often I can’t understand someone. I guess at what people said, craft my response to be robust against a variety of possibilities, and wait until several other people have spoken before responding to the original person I couldn’t hear, because others’ responses give me info to fill in the blanks.
I think I’m shy/quiet irl by nature but the hearing thing magnifies that ~2x.
Random stories:
At Vibecamp 1, I was in a 4 person group chatting near, but not in, a big loud pavilion. We were on the grass and I asked to move to the grass 10 feet further away. People assented, and I had a better time. Later someone from that group told me, “I felt a jolt of anger when you asked to move, then I thought about it more and decided it was fine, and I wasn’t angry anymore.” My belief is that usually people don’t mind that level of relocation ask, and I will continue to make it sometimes, but it was good to get that data point.
One time I took “just do things” too far: I got in the habit of sneakily turning down the music volume at massive parties, reasoning that few people had a strong preference, and if they did, they could also sneakily turn it back. I had a much better time at big parties as a result. Then I did it at a smaller party by where the host had set the volume to the level on purpose, and I apologized for the overstep.
While drafting this post on its original home (glosso) I went to a party across the street where my neighbor said “I’ve been enjoying your glosso posts” and said something else I didn’t hear. I asked them to repeat. I still couldn’t parse it. At that point I smiled and nodded because I couldn’t bear to do it again.