Friends beware! This is a sexually explicit document. Special warning to straight female friends and friends who find BDSM icky.
I (married, poly) am the primary caretaker of an 8 month old, and I do not have time to date. So, this is not a dating doc, this is a “let’s maybe hook up” doc. The main target is masochistic bisexual women.
Here’s my pitch. Do you want an incompetent newbie daddy dom? But in the body of a 31 year old primiparous woman?
I am mostly straight. I have had sex with four women and twenty eight men. Half of those were at orgies, a quarter were long-term relationships. So not only do I have limited experience with lesbian sex, I have limited experience with hookups. The sex I had with women were usually equitable and respectful. However, I would instead like to have sex where I humiliate and hit women.
I’ll explain my interest in sadistic sex with women from two different angles: gender and BDSM.
Gender
I have strong autogynephilia and autoandrophilia, by which I mean that in fantasies or roleplays where I am female, I am aroused by having a female body in that scene, and when I am male, I am aroused by my maleness.
I am happy being a cis woman and don’t feel a desire to be socially registered as anything other than a woman, or more than minorly alter my body (I am on testosterone, but this is mostly for energy/mood reasons). That said, there are a two ways in which I think I have coding more commonly associated with the other sex.
The first is that I often have a male body in my sexual fantasies, and I am using that male body to have violent coercive sex that is hard to pull off without a male body. The second is that I am clearly in the utilitarian/atheist/computer programmer personality cluster. I know a few dozen women in that cluster, but hundreds of men. It seems fair to call this a statistically male trait.
Reasons I am cis: I am fulfilled in my role as a stay at home mom. I have a ton of gooey maternal feelings towards my baby. I like gossip, shopping, and romance novels. I have stereotypically gendered relationships with my two partners (by which I mean I’m anxious and need comfort more, prefer to do classically feminine work, and am emotionally higher variance). I am excited to have a 35% masculine face instead of the 15% I think I have – but I like my face as is, and I like my physical shape and softness.
I think of myself as a cis woman with a few male mosaicisms in her mind, one of which leads her to prefer to roleplay being a (violent and predatory) man in bed sometimes.
BDSM
There is a way in which I am almost perfectly straight, and a way in which I am perfectly bisexual.
Like many people, I have a fantasy/story-based sexuality and a practical, physical sexuality. In the real world, I distinctly prefer men and usually have relatively vanilla sex with them.
In my fantasy world, which is almost completely textual, sexual thoughts are most delicious paired with rape, kidnapping, blackmail, painful situations. BDSM bumps up the appeal of any fantasy or porn a lot. I fantasize somewhat evenly between M/M, F/M, and F/F sexual fantasies, and in those fantasies I occupy both/all roles. I am sadist, victim, helpless witness. I am often a man, viciously pursuing a woman. I am a woman, owning and hurting a man. I am a woman, mangling another woman psychologically and sexually. I am a man, his male kidnapper, and his friend who is helpless to stop his abuse.
When I combine fantasy and physical sex, as in roleplays, it has been with male partners I trust a lot. I have rarely been kinky with a woman. It has felt socially risky to advertise what I want. The predatory sexual part of me is at least cousin to antisocial drives that wreck lives and hurt people.
This predatory part is mostly aimed at women. It can often be aimed at men, but it feels like women are what the predatory part is centrally looking for.
I like vaginas qua the hole where things can hurt. That I can hurt. It’s an absurdly vulnerable place. That’s the hole where people can make you instantiate their genetic material and give birth to a person whom you will probably love and devote a lot of your life energy to. This horrifies me in the real world, especially when it results in pregnancy, especially-especially in the large fraction of the world where women don’t have the ability to abort after rape. And in my fantasy world, it is a hurt that I want to put my fingers into and lick. That’s the hole I want to fuck.
Me
Despite the horndog ravings above, I am currently not that sexually active, and when I am, it’s with my two long-term male partners.
I don’t wish to perform the speech act of saying “I am autistic”, but it seems helpful and true to say, “Many people read me as autistic”.
I’m not a “serious person”. I like hanging out, screwing around, and gossiping. My main hobbies are talking to my friends on Discord and cracking jokes on social media. I am more awkward and stilted in real life.
On the other hand, I am a “serious person” in that I like to do challenging things, like writing better stories, running ambitious social events, reading about abiogenesis or the algorithmic analogies between mammalian brains and neural networks. I’m also somewhat intellectually rigid. I am 98% a hard materialist (although I find a lot of appeal in open individualism, as a sandboxed metaphysical claim) and usually dislike engaging with mysticism or spirituality. I am interested in meditation, circling, shadow work, and IFS; I approximately dislike tarot, unambiguously dislike astrology, and dislike most mainstream religions.
(I will nod politely when in the presence of these things, because I am strongly against pointless conflict or friction.)
I don’t like focusing on things I don’t like, or listing dealbreakers – I believe that “contacting me after reading all this” is the best filter – but I do need to say something about my politics, since this is a personal ad for queer women. I have a lot of values alignment with the left, but I am emotionally repelled by social justice and most of its cultural offshoots. I can agree to disagree, or to avoid politics as a topic, but I will not have sex with someone who takes my polite nodding as assent – who emotionally needs to read my silence as assent. There are parts of my politics that map onto being US Democrat, libertarian, Confucian, and US Republican (in that order). It is very unlikely that our politics are similar, no matter what yours are – so, if you require a partner who agrees with you on a large number object-level issues, we should not have sex.
You
I am looking for a woman who
- Is pretty verbal, can write or speak in detail what their own kinks and fantasies are
- reads all this and goes “hell yes I want this woman to mistreat me in a roleplay. I don’t have reservations about her sadism, her polyamory, her straightness, her maleness, her thinking style. In fact, I like all of this”.
- is between 24 and 50 years of age, although I’m willing to flex if compatibility is high. I’m more nervous about the younger end of the spectrum.
I am attracted to lots of trans women, but the main potential dealbreaker there is that I may not read them as a woman. My instinctive classifier has returned 10% on some trans women, 90% on others. I try to act as if it is 90% even when it isn’t, but this is a costlier pretense to keep up in bed, when emotional honesty is important. What I can pledge is that I will nudge my brain into registering and treating trans women sex partners to a degree that does not feel self-coercive, which can swing me maybe 30%. So, trans women for whom being gendered more than 40% female by their partners is necessary should not have sex with me, because I cannot promise I can do that.
Date
After mutual online vetting, I’d like to get a coffee, go to a private indoor location, and talk about our kinks to figure out what overlap we have. I’ll also ask where not to go in the scene. I’ll pitch you some potential roleplays. If you greenlight it, we’ll play it out.
Some scenarios I am interested in are:
- You’re a doggirl, and I just bought you at a sex slave auction and am trying you out
- I’m your older sibling, and I’m subtly inflaming your insecurities about your body in order to have sexual access to you. I’m imagining a slow scene where it takes forever for me to actually take your pants off, I’m just rubbing you and squeezing you and panting grossly into your ear.
- You’re a neglected or mildly abused high schooler, and I’m your favorite teacher. I genuinely encourage your love of learning and I like you as a person. Either I pursue or pressure you, or you pursue me and overcome my reluctance, which isn’t that powerful because I find you really attractive.
- You are you. However, my room has a portal in it, and the lower half of your body juts into my bed, and no matter what you do on the other end, you can’t extricate yourself. We’ll walk through multiple days within the roleplay, and you’ll play being in different locations over multiple days as I assault you in different situations.
- I am a wealthy student blackmailing and abusing you, my sexually submissive teacher. You watch rape porn, which I found out about. I could get you fired. From that porn I know all your tastes.
My physical form
I am 5’3 and I don’t work out. I’m slender in the American distribution, slightly chubby in the Korean one, and I have little muscle and little endurance. I jog twice a week but my baseline fitness is awful and I’m not jogging very hard.
The silver haired photo was taken right before I conceived, the other two were taken after birth.
